What is Domestic Violence?
“Any attempt to impose your will on another is an act of violence.” - Ghandi
“A pattern of physically, emotionally, sexually or economically abusive behavior used by one individual to gain and maintain power and control over an intimate partner or former intimate partner.” ~ Kansas Coalition Against Sexual and Domestic Violence
Domestic Violence is:
- Power and Control
- Beliefs of Entitlement
- Behavior Patterns
- Behavior Choice
In the United States, a woman is beaten every 15 seconds, a forcible rape occurs every six minutes.
one in four women and one in seven men will experience severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime. (CDC, 2017)
What Domestic Violence is not:
- A problem with anger management
- Caused by drugs and alcohol
The Family Conservancy acknowledges that both men and women can be victims of domestic violence. We will use the pronoun “she” in the following description, since statistics have indicated that victims are predominantly female.
Forms of Domestic Violence / Power and Control
- Verbal: shouting, name calling
- Emotional: putting her down and embarrassing her. playing mind games, humiliating, making her feel guilty
- Using children: Threatening / taking the children away or hurting the children to force her to do what he wants. Using the children to spy on her or to relay messages.
- Financial control: Limiting her ability to work, controlling access to her checking or savings account, and withholding your paycheck.
- Sexual abuse: Forcing her to have sex against her will.
- Psychological and intimidation abuse: Making her feel fearful, helpless and insecure about her own self worth or ability to escape further abuse.
- Coercion and Threats: Making and or carrying out threats to hurt her or commit suicide. Making her drop charges or do illegal things.
- Physical Abuse: hitting, pushing, slapping, kicking, stabbing, shooting, strangulation, etc.
- Isolation: Controlling what she does, who she sees, talks to or where she goes
- Minimizing, Denying and Blaming: Making light of the abuse, denying, saying she caused it.
- Male Privilege: Treating her like a servant, being the one to define men’s and women’s roles.
The Importance of Safety Planning
It is important to identify ways to remain safe while in an abusive relationship, if planning to leave or even after you leave. Developing a safety plan helps you gather vital information and practice how you will react to various situations that can arise. In depth information about safety planning can be found on the following website:
The Impact of Domestic Violence on Children
- Nightmares, fear of falling asleep
- Sleep troubles, nightmares, falling asleep
- Headaches, stomach aches, somatic symptoms
- Increased aggressive behavior and angry feelings
- A very high activity level (hyperactivity)
- Constant worry about possible danger
- Regression with cognitive development
- Withdrawing from friends and activities
- Not showing feelings about anything (emotional numbing)
- Worrying a lot about the safety of loved ones
- Trouble concentrating
- Repetitive play about the violent event
- Difficulty trusting others
- Have more difficulty self soothing
- Victims of Domestic Violence and their children can receive individual and family counseling at The Family Conservancy. Call Central Scheduling at 913-742-4357 and for counseling in Spanish call Dame la Mano 913-573-1110.
There are many resources available for abused and battered women, including crisis hotlines, shelters—even job training, legal services, and child care.
- National Coalition Against Domestic Violence Anonymous and Confidential Help 24/7:
- 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) Identifies local shelters and available openings for housing.
- Kansas Coalition Against Sexual and Domestic Violence 888-363-2287
- The Kansas City DV Crisis Hotline is metro wide: 816.468.5463
- The Kansas City Youth Crisis Line is 816.741.8701
- Metropolitan Organization to Counter MOCSA Sexual Assault 816.531.0233
- Free articles, quizzes, answers to teens' questions about recognizing and dealing with violence or abuse www.loveisrespect.org
- Love Is Not Abuse studies documenting the rates, types and views of dating violence. www.loveisnotabuse.com