We have all seen it. A toddler in the grocery store crying, kicking and arching back in the cart, throwing a temper tantrum. Some have seen more temper tantrums in the home than they would care to say. Temper tantrums are a normal part of development, especially in the toddler years. Toddlers throw temper tantrums for a variety of reasons such as:

• Needing to release frustration and express feelings, needs and wishes
• Needing to assert themselves
• Lacking control of their emotions
• Feeling hungry, exhausted, over stimulated or bored
• Having too many choices or having too few choices

Prevention Strategies

• Allow time for the child to let off steam and engage in physical activity.
• Encourage the child to use words to express feelings and empathize with the child. Example: "I understand you are frustrated that you cannot get the puzzle put together again. Would you like some help?"
• When possible, say "yes." Allow your child small victories. Instead of immediately saying "no," think about whether the request is really worth taking a stand on.
• Provide simple, limited choices for young children. Choices allow the child to have some control. Examples: "Do you want to wear the red shirt or blue shirt?", "Do you want to read this book or that one?"
• Praise good behavior and catch the youngster being good.
• Be a positive role model. Think about how you react to frustrations. Do you become upset over little things? Deal with frustrations in a calm and relaxed manner.
• Make sure your child has adequate rest and that meals are served on schedule. If you will not be serving lunch or dinner at the usual time, provide healthy snacks for the child.

If you are unable to prevent a tantrum, these ideas will help you deal with the behavior:

• Remain calm and ignore the tantrum. If you are in a public place, remove the child from the situation. Carry the child into the restroom or out to the car and then ignore the behavior.
• Try distracting the child with humor or some activity.
• Stand firm in your decision when you say "no." Giving in to a child having a tantrum reinforces the behavior. Children are testing rules and limits when they have tantrums. Standing firm gives children security and a sense of trust.
• Do not belittle or demean the child. Let the child know you disapprove of the behavior, not him. Children having tantrums do not have control of their emotions and it can be overwhelming for them.
• Do not argue or try to reason with a child during a tantrum.

Most children start to talk about their feelings around age three and tantrums decline. See your pediatrician if your child shows any of the following signs which may signal deeper emotional problems:

• Tantrums coninue or get worse after age four.
• Tantrums cause injury to the child or others.
• The child destroys or damages things during tantrums.

The information was developed by The Family Conservancy from a variety of professional resources. This is not a standardized measurement tool.