Worried about your first born's reaction to a new sibling? Although parents often delay telling children that a sibling is on the way, children should be told when everyone else is told. Keeping the pregnancy a secret sends the message that pregnancy is a negative experience.

How do you Prepare Your Child for a Sibling?

• Be honest about the pregnancy. Explain any changes, good or bad, that may affect your child.
• Speak of the baby as our family's, not yours and mine.
• Let your child help you prepare for the baby. If the new baby means a new roommate, allow your child to chose where the toys and bedroom furniture will be.
• Read books about siblings to your child early into the pregnancy. Reminisce about when your child was a baby by looking through a baby book and old pictures together.
• Spend time with your child. Say "I love you" often.
• If you have a pet, teach your child how to be gentle while playing with it.
• Allow your child to feel the baby kick and listen to the heartbeat.
• Using a doll, allow your child to dress and bathe the "baby."
• Have your child go to the hospital with you when it is time to deliver. Some hospitals now allow children in the delivery room. If you choose this option, have another adult in the room who can take care of your child so you can focus on the delivery. Whether in the delivery room or not, it is important that your older child can bond with the baby soon after the birth.
• After the baby is born, make an effort to spend time with your older child each day. Your child needs the assurance of your continued love. Be sensitive to your child's feelings and insecurities.
• Ask friends and relatives to give attention to your older child when they come to visit the baby.
• As the baby grows, do not force your children to share. Provide each child with personal space.

There is no easy way to prepare a toddler for a sibling. Toddlers are too young to understand what is happening. Parents may try toilet-training an "older" sibling, or weaning a child from a bottle, to avoid having two babies to care for. Rather than forcing your child to grow up faster, allow your toddler to be "babyish" too. These are common reactions from children to new siblings:

Two Years and Younger

Toddlers become jealous of the attention the baby receives, and may want to hurt the baby.

Three Years

Youngsters may show some anger towards the baby, but will also try to be "good" for fear of losing their parents' love. You may notice fluctuations in behavior, such as wanting to be independent and then regressing to "baby" behaviors.

Four and Five Years

At this age, children may feel unloved or rejected, and will reach out to the opposite-sex parent for attention.

Elementary Years

School-age children may hold back their true feelings toward the baby. They like receiving attention from their status as the "Big Brother" or "Big Sister."

Pre-teen/Teenage Years

Adolescents often feel embarrassed by their "older" parents having another baby. Most will view the baby as lovable until the toddler stage when their space and possessions are threatened.

The information was developed by The Family Conservancy from a variety of professional resources. This is not a standardized measurement tool.